i don't know what it is, but i have the hardest time with not being in control. i didn't always used to be like this, don't get me wrong, i love organization, but i never used to, my room was a mess, under my bed...i don't even want to talk about that. but now, i go nuts when my house is out of order, and crazier still when my child isn't in a "controlled" environment.
we went to the zoo today, it was wonderful and quite enjoyable until capri decided she wanted out of her stroller...'i out' she said over and over. finally i gave in and auntie laura pushed the stroller while i chased the 2 year old. it wasn't until about 15 minutes of this that i looked at laura and said, 'i never knew how much of a control freak i am.' laura just looked at me and laughed, apparently she knew.
it is amazing to me that after two years of watching GOD unfold this beautiful package that is 'parenthood,' i am still trying to grab it back from HIM. i need to let go and allow HIM to take capri in HIS arms. HE is guiding her every step, not me.